The 2024 Candy and Corpses Strychnine Awards!!!

 

Welcome creeps and fiends. There has been a lot of shit talk on the socials the past few days regarding Variety's Top 100 Horror Films of All Time list. Some of it unfair but most of it completely deserved. Like who the hell puts The Human Centipede 2 anywhere near a top 100 list unless it's a top 100 Human Centipede list? Suspiria at #99, go f**k yourself. How the hell is Black Christmas not even on the list? Now, I'm not mad at Texas Chainsaw Massacre at #1. It is one of the truly scarest films of all time. I'm not mad at The Exorcist, also one of the scariest films of all time. Mostly everything else is so out of whack. Anyways, enough of that normy media nonsense. We're here to give praise to the horrible. 

The Best Misuse of Gardening Shears on a River Raft Award goes to...

Congratulations goes to... The Burning (1981) 

Turns out when you set your summer camp caretaker on fire as a joke things arent going to so well for you. Attention camp counsellers, please keep your fingers and toes inside the raft at all times.

The Best Stabbed to Death by a Dick Knife Award goes to...

Congratulations to... Knife+Heart (2018)

Unfortunately there aren't many LGBTQ+ horror films out in the world converting everyone to extreme limp wristed gayness. Well thankfully this film pranced into our lives. Knife+Heart cums right in your face with horror goodness including a big black cock-blade to brighten up your day. Yay! Gay!

Next up we have The Weirdo Adult Playing a Creepy Ass Child Award goes to...

Peter Bark in Andrea Bianchi's Burial Ground (1981). 

Have I already given this award to this guy? Oh fuck!! This dude creeps me out when he talks in his little voice and suckles up on his mom. Ahhhh!!! My skin crawled right the hell off of me and never came back. 

And lastly, The 2024 CaC Strychnine Award for Worst Looking Music Video Filmed By A Glam Band in the Snow While Avalanches and Cannibals Surround Them goes to....

Congrats to Blood Tracks (1985)

I mean I guess it's a good idea to bring your goofy glam band up into the middle of nowhere while avalanches are going off all around you. As long as you're insured I suppose. The music video has ladies in bikinis clearly freezing their asses off while you goofs are jumping and frolicking in the snow and rolling down hills. Your video is not going to be good guys. I'd fire your director. Also fire the location scout, if anyone had even glanced at the only building on that mountain they would have noticed the cannibals. The song Blood Track is a bop though. Sorry you're all dead though.

Alright folks, that rounds up this years Candy and Corpses Strychnine Awards. As we say here at CaC: keep making stuff and if you cant make it good, at least make it weird.