I Dig Graves, Write What You Know, Mr. Fingers. The Horrors of 1994.

When I was little I wanted to be a cemetery caretaker in addition to other things (ie: an archeologist, a ninja, and a paleantologist). I used to dream of all the adventures I would have and all the alone spooky time. Well, that didn't pan out. It's alright, that job would be really hard especially if the dead started rising from their graves. You probably never get any sleep. Then there's being a writer or filmmaker. Those are also really good professions if you can manage to make some money at them and your creations don't come to life and try to destroy you. That would suck. I don't want to be killed or turned insane by my own inventions. Maybe it's just best if you just sit in a dark padded room and don't do anything. Yeah, that'd be a pretty safe job.

 1994

1. Dellamorte Dellamore aka Cemetery Man (Directed by Michele Soavi)

IMDB plot: A cemetery man must kill the dead a second time when they become zombies.

2. In the Mouth of Madness (Directed by John Carpenter)

IMDB plot: An insurance investigator begins discovering that the impact a horror writer's books have on his fans is more than inspirational.

3. Wes Craven's New Nightmare (Directed by Wes Craven)

IMDB plot: A demonic force has chosen Freddy Krueger as its portal to the real world. Can Heather Langenkamp play the part of Nancy one last time and trap the evil trying to enter our world?

Bonus Film! Okay so every goth in the room knows this next one. It's not quite a horror film but more of a dark & eerie comic book film.  If you don't what I'm talking about, I am truly sorry but I must respectfully ask you to turn in your "me sad and spoopy" club membership card on the way out. Unfortunately the young and charming actor Brandon Lee (Bruce's son) passed away in a tragic firearm accident during the making of this film.Very sad indeed but I suppose "it can't rain all the time".

The Crow (Directed by Alex Proyas)

IMDB plot: A man brutally murdered comes back to life as an undead avenger of his and his fiancée's murder.

All right ghouls and ghosts. That's all for today. See you tomorrow for spooky 1995.

Living Dead Girl, Luck of the Irish, El Vampiro. The Horrors of 1993.

Here we are, dragging our near death bodies across another horror film desert. 1993 was not very kind to the genre aside from a few notables. Return of the Living Dead is one of my fave film series in general. The third one in the series is no exception. Okay so maybe it's a bit of an excuse to make a sexy zombie lady but I won't hold the against it. Melinda Clarke is rad as the creepy "body-modded" walking dead. Then you have Leprechaun, which is the best St. Patty's Day horror film ever made. Okay, so you don't have any other choices but it's super bloody fun. Also, I present to you grown up horror-kid, mister monster man Guillermo del Toro's first film. A fun, creepy take on the vampire mythos. 

1993

1. Return of the Living Dead III (Directed by Brian Yuzna)

IMDB plot: Having recently witnessed the horrific results of a top secret project to bring the dead back to life, a distraught youth performs the operation on his girlfriend after she's killed in a motorcycle accident.

2. Leprechaun (Directed by Mark Jones)

IMDB plot: An evil, sadistic Leprechaun goes on a killing rampage in search of his beloved pot of gold.

3. Cronos (Directed by Guillermo del Toro)

IMDB plot: A mysterious device designed to provide its owner with eternal life resurfaces after four hundred years, leaving a trail of destruction in its path.

That's all weirdos. See you tomorrow for 1994. xoxo

Bad Monkey, Sweets to the Sweet, Like Totally Vampire. The Horrors of 1992.

Awwww yes, 1992. Before he made hobbits throw their jewelry into volcanos on the big screen, Peter Jackson directed some of the goriest, tasteless films ever and they were bloody brilliant. Ever want to see a guy run through a party of zombies with a lawnmower as a weapon? Watch an old lady's ear fall off into pudding and she eats it? So gross!!! I bet New Zealand had a Karo syrup and red food coloring shortage after Dead Alive was made. Then we have the man made of candy. Okay so maybe he's not made of candy but I'm pretty sure he's made of bees. I remember seeing Candyman in the theater and afterwards I went into my dark bathroom and said his name five times. He never showed up to gut me with his hook hand. I guess I'm glad it didn't work. By the way, Tony Todd who plays Candyman is a super sweet guy. Met him at a con back in the day and he was super cool. Oh yeah, so I love Bram Stoker's Dracula so much. Truthfully, it would've been in my number one spot if it didn't have Keanu and Winona in it. Winona I can kinda deal with but Keanu so does not belong there. His accent was so bad. "Like totally Dracula dude, party on." Don't get me wrong, I love Keanu Reeves. He's the best. But maybe not such a good idea to put him in a period piece. Anyways, Gary Oldman steals the show as Dracula though. Him and his weird butt style hairdo. Damn, the whole production looks so eerie and beautiful. A perfect film for spooky season.

1992

1. Braindead aka Dead Alive (Directed by Peter Jackson)

IMDB plot: A young man's mother is bitten by a Sumatran rat-monkey. She gets sick and dies, at which time she comes back to life, killing and eating dogs, nurses, friends, and neighbors.

2. Candyman (Directed by Bernard Rose)

IMDB plot: The Candyman, a murderous soul with a hook for a hand, is accidentally summoned to reality by a skeptic grad student researching the monster's myth.

3. Bram Stoker's Dracula (Directed by Francis Ford Coppola)

IMDB plot: The centuries old vampire Count Dracula comes to England to seduce his barrister Jonathan Harker's fiancée Mina Murray and inflict havoc in the foreign land.

Okay for those of you crying "What about Army of Darkness"! Truthfully, it's not one of my favorites. I like okay. I'm not sure it's even a horror film in my book. Sorry not sorry. That's it for 1992 fiends. See you tomorrow for 1993. xoxo