Vampire Spurs.

Hello ghouls. Welcome to day 7 of the Candy and Corpses Strychnine Awards. So it's a dream of mine to own a farm out in the middle of nowhere. Maybe own a goat and a tractor and a horse. Also, to keep bigots from stringing me up in a tree and setting me on fire I may just have to become a vampire, you know, for safety reasons. 

Anyways enough of that and on to the awards

October 7th, 2021: The award for best Vampire Cowboy Boot Spur Throat Slash goes to...  

Near Dark (1987)
Directed by Kathryn Bigelow

This is one of my all time favorite vampire films and definitely my favorite cowboy vampire film of all time. Soaked in mood and blood. Wouldn't it be cool if you could turn a horse into a vampire and you could both ride around all creepy like surrounded by vampire mist? That's a brand new dream of mine. Vampire cowgirl with a creepy vampire horse. Hmmm would the horse only drink other horses blood? I'll have to think about that.

Robot's Got Your Eyes.

Hello creeps and other weirdo peeps. Welcome to round 6 of the Candy and Corpses Strychnine Awards! Wanna hear some overly personal information that you didn't ask for? So anyways, I have severe OCD. If I hear a noise I have to see what it is. I especially dislike loud noises. (funny coming from a punk rock drummer who played in bands for 30 years). Add to that I get severely nervous about maintaining sameness or stability in my surrounding "controllable" environment. So yeah, I look out my windows uncontrollably all the time. I have a saying "I don't want to watch you, I just want to watch you go away." I am the spooky old lady peeking out my blinds. I hope to one day be known as the creepy old Witch that lives in the spooky house to all the neighborhood children.

Anyways enough of that and on to the awards

October 6th, 2021: The award for best Creeper with an Eye Socket Gouge goes to...  

Hardware (1990)

Directed by Richard Stanley

Hardware is one of my favorite movies. Post apocalyptic cyber-horror with tons of mood and neon and PIL music. Also, it's always so therapeutic when the creepy stalker dude takes a drill to the face. The scumbag should've listened to the title song... "This is what you want but this is what you'll get." 

Would Thou Like to be Deliciously Mauled by a Goat?

Hello there eerie strangers and even eerier friends. I bid you welcome to thou 5thist day unto ye Olde Candy and Corpses Strychnine Awards! Have you ever been attacked by an animal or made an animal attack someone else? Have you ever dabbled in Satanic ritual? Do you like gladiator movies? If you've answered yes to all of the above like I have it turns out you may just be a vvitch (pronounced vavitch) or perhaps close to a rival vvitch. Once when little I was on a field trip at a petting zoo and I was snatched off the ground by a mean llama and flung around like a rag doll in its creepy big teeth until my mother who was chaperoning punched it in the neck until it dropped me to the dirt. Turns out I was a vvitch and didn't know it yet and I think probably one of my classmates was a rival of mine. Probably that shifty looking kid Jessica that got in trouble for eating scratch n' sniff stickers. 

Anywayith, on to the awards.

October 4th, 2021: The award for best Olde Timey Goat Mauling goes to...  

The Witch (2015)
Directed by Robert Eggers

Who wouldn't want to live deliciously? You get to eat butter all day and fly naked in the woods when you want. You get a pet goat that attacks everyone who looks at you sideways. Hell, sign me up. 

Dead By Dummy.

Welcome to the pit of darkness and day 4 of the Candy and Corpses 2021 Strychnine Awards! Make yourself uncomfortable. So what's your opinion on ventriloquist dummies? They've always creeped me out but I kinda like them in the same way I like picking Corn Nuts out of my teeth. Speaking of teeth, why are they always smiling. That weird toothy fake smile. 

Anyways, on to the awards!

October 4th, 2021: ...and the winner for the best Death by Dummy award goes to...

Dead of Night (1945)
Directed by Alberto Cavalcanti (Christmas Party, The Ventriloquist's Dummy), Charles Crichton (Golfing Story), & Basil Dearden (Hearse Driver, Linking Narrative)

I don't know about you but if I arrived at a creepy British cottage with a bunch of weird strangers and there was a hearse parked outside and everyone was acting all ominous and spooky I would immediately know that I was dead. Once I was stuck in the DMV all day and I looked outside the greasy window and saw a hearse. Maybe I've been dead since that day? I've watched enough Amicus anthologies to know that I must've done something horrible like letting loose my beloved pack of vicious dobermans on the gardener for trimming the hedges unspeakably crooked and now have to pay the price. 

Dead of Night has a couple of fun spooky tales but my favorite is the one called The Ventriloquist's Dummy. Anyways, I sure as hell know that if I was a ventriloquist and my dummy started talking to me and running around on it's own killing everyone I would immediately set it on fire. "But what if it was a misunderstood friendly nice alive dummy containing the soul of your mom and it only killed in self-defense?" you ask. No, I don't believe you. I've seen this film, and Magic (1978), and Devil Doll (1964), and that one episode of Goosebumps. All ventriloquist dolls are pure evil and want to punish you for being alive. 

This Mall Blows My Mind.

Hello creeps and welcome to day 3 of the Candy and Corpses 2021 Strychnine Awards! Were you a mall rat as a kid? Do kids even still do that? You know, get dropped off at the mall for the entire day. Hang out at the arcade for hours and drop like 200 quarters into Tempest or Dig Dug until you got carpal tunnel. Drink like 10 large Orange Julius' and get stuffed on some Sbarro pizza and maybe wash it all down with a few Hot Dog on a Sticks. Do the kids still do that?

Anywho, let's move on to the award giving shall we?

October 3rd, 2021: The award for best Head Exploding in the Mall goes to...  

Chopping Mall (1986)
Directed by Jim Wynorski

What happens when a fancy mall tries to save money by using killer robots with laser eyes to guard the mall instead of the usual jerko rent-a-cops that tell you not to run or have any fun what-so-ever? Dead blondes. That's what happens. Speaking of blondes, Chopping Mall has two of my favorite blondes in Barbara Crampton (Reanimator) and Kelli Maroney (Night of the Comet) and one of them might even get to live on as the final mall girl. I think everyone in this movie is a blonde. Do I need glasses? Maybe, but I know that a blonde has their head blown into bits by one of the killer mall robots with its laser eyes and it is messy and spectacular. I bet those killer robots don't clean that up after themselves. I bet you some underpaid mall employee had to get out the mop bucket and crusty wet floor signs for that mess.

Death in a Sleeping Bag.

Hello fiends! Welcome back for day two of the Candy and Corpses Strychnine awards. It doesn't take a lot to persuade me not to go camping. I mean, aside from the usual discomforts like being wet and cold and sleeping on hard rocks and no toilet in sight and raccoons growling at you while it tries to spoon you for warmth (true story). What about homicidal maniacs roaming the woods? Or scary inbred hill people that wanna make you their second bride in addition to their sister bride? Or rabid grizzly bears looking for a people snack? Or covens of evil witches that need a human sacrifice? Or you wanted to make s'mores on a campfire but you accidentally brought saltines instead of graham crackers? Yeah no, I hate camping.

Anyways, on to the awards!

October 2nd, 2021: The award for best Death in a Sleeping Bag goes to...  

The Prophecy (1979)
Directed by John Frankenheimer

Some dirtbag developers try to strong-arm land away from the Native Americans that live there and before. you know it a giant mutated bear creature starts eating whitey up. It's all fun and games until a crappy father forces little Timmy to go camping. Who knew that sleeping bags could explode like that?

Also to all you Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood fans out there. Yeah, Jason's sleeping bag kill was fantastic but this one is the OG and in my opinion way better. Don't cry.

The Candy and Corpses 2021 Strychnine Awards!

Hello and welcome all you creepers, creepettes, creepos, and creeples. Holy hell this has been a year, am I right?! I mean, last year was a decaying rat sandwich served in a puddle of vomit but this year has definitely been and big bowl of bloody eye pus topped with crusty fingernail clippings for dessert. I think I aged 170 years this year alone. Are bones even supposed to be bendy? Anywho, so last year we here at C.A.C.co (tm) took on the arduous task of giving you our top three horror films from the year 1960 all the way to 2021. Two months of triple daily spookiness. We nearly died providing so much content. Our fingers no longer have tips or nails from all the typing. 

If you would like to visit those horrible horrors click here if you dare ----> The 2020 Candy and Corpses Halloween Horror Countdown <---- 

Here in 2021 (aka: the year I left my skin in the trash and became a walking drippy flesh skeleton) we decided to throw an awards ceremony. So put on your best tux, or gown, or fancy body bag and get ready to clap your knife hands together for the daily Strychnine awards leading right up to to bloodiest best day of the year, Halloween. Enjoy the show!

October 1st, 2021: The award for best Vomiting up your Intestines goes to...

City of the Living Dead (1980)
Directed by Lucio Fulci

Sometimes a priest hangs himself in a Lovecraftian graveyard and then his corpse stares at you while you're making out in a car and he is so creepy that your eyes bleed and you puke up all of your internal organs. God I hate when that happens. Talk about ruining the mood. I hope I still have some fast food napkins shoved in my glovebox and maybe some TicTacs.