Would Thou Like to be Deliciously Mauled by a Goat?

Hello there eerie strangers and even eerier friends. I bid you welcome to thou 5thist day unto ye Olde Candy and Corpses Strychnine Awards! Have you ever been attacked by an animal or made an animal attack someone else? Have you ever dabbled in Satanic ritual? Do you like gladiator movies? If you've answered yes to all of the above like I have it turns out you may just be a vvitch (pronounced vavitch) or perhaps close to a rival vvitch. Once when little I was on a field trip at a petting zoo and I was snatched off the ground by a mean llama and flung around like a rag doll in its creepy big teeth until my mother who was chaperoning punched it in the neck until it dropped me to the dirt. Turns out I was a vvitch and didn't know it yet and I think probably one of my classmates was a rival of mine. Probably that shifty looking kid Jessica that got in trouble for eating scratch n' sniff stickers. 

Anywayith, on to the awards.

October 4th, 2021: The award for best Olde Timey Goat Mauling goes to...  

The Witch (2015)
Directed by Robert Eggers

Who wouldn't want to live deliciously? You get to eat butter all day and fly naked in the woods when you want. You get a pet goat that attacks everyone who looks at you sideways. Hell, sign me up.