Hello blood suckers and rat tossers. Welcome to day lucky number 13 of the Candy and Corpses 2021 Strychnine Awards. Have you ever really loved a book or comic and then you heard it was going to be made into a film or tv show and you get super excited and then it comes out and you're like "What the biscuits and gravy is going on here? Am I dead? Is this Hell?" It ends up being so bad that you need to sandpaper your eyes just to scrub away that hurt that was just inflicted on them. But then over time you end up enjoyed thing that made you go blind in the first place. Yeah, it really sucks when that happens.
Anyways, on to the awards!
October 13th, 2021: The award for best Maybe Worst Sexy Vampiress from Outer Space goes to...
Vampirella (1996)
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Okay first let me get this out of the way. I feel like actress Talisa Soto did the best she could with what she was given. She vamps around all gorgeous like and shoots laser guns and bites losers. This movie would look right at home next to Masters of the Universe in the Canon Films library. I mean, this was directed by the same director who brought us Chopping Mall ten years earlier. With the film's $17 budget the iconic Vampirella "outfit" was exchanged for an ill-fitting Dollar Tree vinyl "Vampire Alien Girl" costume but it still does the job. The supporting cast's acting is so bad its bad especially the main villain dude who happens to have an amazing side ponytail. So yeah, is it good? No. Do I kinda love it anyway? Yeah. Anyways, maybe it's been long enough since this came out to re-do the character with a lot more blood and sleaze the way god intended it to be.
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