Salut mes petits monstres. Welcome to days 11 and 12 of the Candy and Corpses 2021 Strychnine Awards. I know what you're thinking "What the living fuck Violet, you are cheating. Two awards in one post? I didn't pay for this?!" Yes, I am cheating and yes, you didn't pay for this. Rulez are for foolz. Obey your television. Say, did your parents let you watch sleazy stuff on cable when your were a teenager? My mom would occasionally say I couldn't watch something for no reason whatsoever and I'm like "why is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre okay but I can't watch Debbie Does Dallas?" But no matter what my parents said I would just sneak watch whatever you wanted anyway? Television loves you. They're like "you can't watch Cinemax on cable after midnight because that's for adults only" and I'm like "whatever, I'm 13 and I've also already seen plenty of tits and ass and sleazy guys with handle bar mustaches. Don't tell me what to do!" Television is your god now. When you are young you are like "old people are boring and stupid." and once you pass 40 you're like "young people are annoying and stupid." Anyways, yeah one the one thing that old and young people can agree on is that television rulez. Turn on 'Family Ties' or 'Knight Rider' and everyone settles the hell down. All hail television. Am I right? I mean I can just sit and listen to static on a tv and be super happy and do whatever it tells me to do.
Anyways, on to the awards!
October 11th & 12th, 2021: The award for best Television Kills goes to...
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